Andante
by mochamaker
Summary: A Janeway and Seven story-POV of Janeway.
1. Chapter 1

I do not own the characters and I am not making a profit off this tale.

Rated T but heading to M. *Wink*

For my lovely Deckhand.

Spoilers for the Season Five Episode-Latent Image

**Andante**

Chapter One:

I sit reading in my favorite chair, the lights low, causing shadows from my many candles to dance around my cabin to the rhythm of my favorite Mozart Sonata set to low volume, as it played in the background. With half-closed eyes to keep the soft light at bay, I try to read the words of my favorite book while a headache pounds at my temples. I desperately want the pain to vanish, to just leave me be for a measly hour or so, long enough to not wince every time I turn the page of my book.

Every third paragraph or so, I sip lukewarm decaf mint tea, a known cure for ailing my frequent headaches. But today, it doesn't seem to be doing much in the healing arena, choosing instead to sit at the sidelines and cheer the pounding on.

I know why my head pounds. It's my unconscious telling me that I messed up, that I hurt friends I really shouldn't have by making a decision to brashly, without the counsel to back me up. But that's part of being the Captain-a leader meant to make split second decisions when lives are at stake. It's a concept only those in command will ever understand. Even Chakotay, my first officer has trouble fully understanding the position I'm in. The people I call my friends on Voyager aren't really my friends, because as Captain, I might have to order them to their deaths. After five years on this ship, the people I've come to care about could die by my own hand. I've forbidden myself from caring too deeply.

And that's the problem. Emotions cannot be contained, they bubble out from the container and spew in all directions. And that's why my head throbs and I feel nauseous. I wasn't being a friend to those I care about, I was being the Captain; a leader without remorse or recourse. I try so hard to separate the Captain from the woman, but I can't. The dividing line in my psyche has been erased as if Kathryn never existed.

So I seek comfort in the familiar today, immerse myself in my most favorite things, hoping for a shred of ease, a nudging of this heavy burden pushing Kathryn down and keeping the Captain afloat. But my mind keeps circling back to the Doctor, to his tirade in my ready room. He practically called me a bitch to my face, an uncaring sociopath. He needled at the Captain, but what he didn't realize or perhaps didn't care is that Kathryn felt the piercing too as well as the Captain. I'm a person divided, and he crushed us both with a few careless words.

I sit my tea aside and sigh. I feel no relief as I peruse the words of Dante, reading of his immersion into Hell. Closing my eyes, I imagine the flames licking at my feet as I step through his descriptive words.

My door chime sounds.

I ignore it.

The chime sounds again. Then again.

Reluctantly I say, "come."

The door swooshes open and Seven steps inside, practically running toward me. Easing up to a sterner position, I set my book down on the ottoman and squint at her. A heavy weight settles in my stomach. I know why she is here. And I'm not sure I want to deal with it. I just want to be left alone to sulk in peace.

"Captain." She stands beside me, her back erect and her chin lifted. Such a haughty individual, arrogant even in repose.

"Seven." I plant my feet firmly on the floor, preparing for battle. "What are you doing here so late?" Her eyes are blue fire, searing any thoughts I have of sending her away. She's my tsunami; my undertow, sweeping in and taking me under. But I'm not about to show or tell her any such confirmation. The power will go straight to her intelligent brain.

"I am having trouble understanding the nature of individuality. I've come on behalf of the Doctor."

"Oh?" A statement or a question, I'm not really sure, I just know it slips from my tongue unbidden to prompt her to elaborate. Anything to hear her lovely voice dancing in my ears. "Are you here to act as my conscience Seven? Because I've already considered the decision and its made."

"It is wrong to wipe his memory." She pauses, then continues as she stares down at me, "you are wrong."

"That's because he is programmed to do nothing wrong. He can't." Ducking my head to avoid her piercing gaze, I stare at my cooling tea, suddenly far more unsettled than before she entered my cabin. I should have known Seven would stop by to argue on behalf of the Doctor, because after all, they are friends complete and undivided, so unlike the relationship between Seven and me. Loyalty exists between them.

I get up and walk to my replicator, wanting the bite of coffee for this conversation, needing the bitter aftertaste of French roast to stare unaffected into those sparks of blue as they stare daggers at me. "He had a glitch. It's being fixed," I loudly say and keep walking away from her. I stop in front of the replicator and say, "coffee. Black." The cup materializes in a few short seconds. Licking my lips, I reach for it, expecting the mug to be warm against my fingers, and not searing hot.

I stare into the black liquid as I spin on my heel and take a sip of the coffee. It's bitter and cooler than I expected. Frowning, I decide to use it as an example for Seven. "This replicator," I point at it. "No matter how many times I've programmed it to serve me hot coffee, it still only serves my coffee lukewarm. I've tried everything to persuade it to work, but it still does what it's programmed to do." I sip then say, "like that replicator, the Doctor does what he has been programmed to do."

She steps close and gazes down into my eyes. "Then by your logic, I am also like that replicator."

"No you're not. You're human. He is a Hologram."

"A Hologram you allowed to evolve beyond his original programming. A Hologram that you allowed to become more human. And now that he needs you, you decide to abandon him." She turns to face the replicator, putting her back to me and hiding her blue eyes from me.

"It's unsettling…" Her voice quivers, shakes, then stops. I hear her shallow breathing. If I didn't know any better, I'd say she's upset.

Not sure what to say, I blurt out, "Oh?" It's my constant verbal hook during conversations, never revealing where I'm taking the conversation, whether it be an interrogation or a friendly chat.

"You separated me from the collective, allowed me to evolve into more. You aided me in becoming…human, becoming an _individual. _And now, I wonder, when I need you most, will you also abandon me?" She turns and our eyes lock. In her shadowed eyes, I see a depth of emotion displayed I never imagined she'd have, let alone allow me to witness her in such a human moment. But it's pertinent to our conversation, and maybe that's why she let her shield drop just a hair.

It's obvious to me that I have two choices for a response- be cold or be caring. I decide to greet her weakness with a cold arrogance. Otherwise, I'll just take her in my arms and comfort her any way I'm able to. I seek her warmth beside me as my head continues to pound with each thud of my heart. Inhaling deeply, I say, "I've made my decision and it stays. Your objection is noted. Now, goodnight." I turn my back to avoid Seven's eyes.

The Captain has dismissed her. Now, it's left up to Kathryn to stay behind the shield. At least for now. I remain frozen, waiting for the woosh of the doors as they close, but the sound never comes. My heart speeds up even faster.

Seven is still behind me, her breathing harsh and irregular in the almost silent room.

"Captain…since my first days aboard Voyager, I've looked to you as my guide to humanity."

I turn to meet her eyes. The dark blue beckons my hands, my body forward. Instead, I cross my arms over my chest, and remain in place by my chair.

Her lips dip in a frown. I bite mine in response. In a breathy voice, she says, "now, I believe I've been mistaken." She spins on her heel and leaves me alone again.

Mozart still plays softly in the background, the ethereal notes a mirror to my suddenly weak knees. As a high A sounds, and my eyes stay on the closed door, I whisper to the ghosts of my conscience, "no Seven. You're not mistaken. I'm just an individual divided. And I need to explain why."

"Computer…locate Seven of Nine," I say as I stare at the door and decide what I need to do. Dante remains left open on the ottoman and my coffee, now cool and staling, sitting on the side table where I abandoned it not long after getting it.

"Seven of Nine is in Cargo Bay Two," the soft feminine voice of the computer answers me almost immediately.

"Is she regenerating?"

"Negative. She is running scans."

"She only runs scans when she needs to focus," I mutter and bite my thumbnail, while thinking. "I did break through her shield." I reach over and grab my jacket off the back of the chair, slipping it on and straightening it out. The Captain has to walk through the corridors, unaffected by the disappointments in life, but Kathryn needs to show her vulnerability to her friend.

Leaving my cabin as is, I walk out the door at a brisk pace. I need to see her before she enters her regeneration cycle or else I'll lose my nerve for what I have to say. The turbo lift takes me down toward the Cargo Bays. I exit and turn to head to Bay Two. Pausing outside the door, I exhale and step forward. The doors woosh open and I step inside.

Seven stands at the console, her fingers flying over the buttons as she works through her many complicated algorithms. Her head remains ducked down, her eyes focused on the screens below her. "Captain. May I assist you. I am occupied at the moment. Perhaps you should stop by during the Alpha shift." Her voice is cold, steady, and arrogant.

Walking right up to her, I stand before her and place my hands on the console. I watch her face, watch as her eyes lift up to briefly gaze at my spread fingers. I'm showing her that I'm here with my palm down hands. "Seven…" My lips are dry, so I lick them to wet them. Anything to stall while I briefly gather my thoughts.

She lifts her head to watch me lick my lips, her eyes focused on my mouth with the same expression I just saw cross her eyes as she gazed at my fingers. Her hands stop moving, and she quit breathing. "You're not mistaken."

"Mistaken?" she asks, using her arrogant tone again.

"Yes. You said that I'm not a good guide for your humanity. That you were mistaken in looking to me for guidance, correct?"

"That is correct."

I place my hands on hers gently. She doesn't shy from my touch, but instead leans forward, turning her hands beneath mine and laying them palm up so that our hands meet. Softly, gently, I stroke the insides of her wrists with my fingertips as I say in a whisper, "I care for you. And caring for someone is the epitome of being a human."

I sigh as I see her eyes remain open and vulnerable. "The Doctor cares for you in a way he wasn't programmed to, cares for us all in a human-like way."

"You are saying you believe he is a human?"

"I'm saying that you were right. He evolved, becoming more than just a Hologram, more than just the Doctor. He has become our friend." I look into her eyes, giving her a soft smile. "Just as you have become my friend. And as the Captain, I don't have friends. But I would like to call you my friend if you're willing to allow me to…if you care for me."

Warm, slim fingers wrap around my hands and mimic the soft strokes of my fingertips on my own inner wrists. "I do care… my friend."

I release a breath I wasn't aware I had been holding, and blink my eyes to shake away the dryness from keeping the lids open and staring at Seven for so long.

She says in a soft whisper, still stroking my skin softly. "I care for you… but more than I do for the Doctor."

I look up and meet her gaze.

The Cargo Bay doors woosh open and footsteps echo through the cavernous space. I look into the Indigo depths of Seven's eyes as I slide my hands from beneath her hold, but keep them within reach for later grabbing. I turn and meet the smiling eyes of Lt. Torres.

I open my mouth to speak, to say go away, but my mouth is so dry that I can't.

"Well…this is so not unexpected at all," Torres giggles out while walking forward to the console, her eyes not leaving mine for a second, not even to glance at where she is walking. She is confident in her discovery and fully intends to find out what her eyes reveal.

I harden my gaze and replace Kathryn with the Captain once again.

**A/N: Hope you like the beginning so far. Cheers. *Tips Phaser forward* **


	2. Chapter 2

I do not own the characters and I am not making a profit off this tale.

Rated T but heading to M. *Wink*

For my lovely Deckhand.

Spoilers for the Season Five Episode-Latent Image

**Andante**

Chapter Two:

"Seven…I'll get back to you about those scans later," I rasp and spin around, turning back to look up into light blue eyes, gone dark at the appearance of Torres. I step back away from the console. But more importantly, I move away from her reach just in case she decides to take my hand while the Lieutenant is watching us. Not only do I need to maintain a solid composure in front of crewmembers, but I'm afraid of how I will react when Torres spreads it around that she saw the Captain holding hands with Seven in the Cargo Bay. And I know she will, because Torres also happens to be the biggest gossip aboard Voyager, even more so than the Doctor.

I meet the dark brown eyes of B'Ellanna again and say, "I've changed my decision in regards to the Doctor. Meet me in sickbay at nine hundred hours tomorrow to inform him."

"Yes, Captain."

I give Seven one last glance and walk toward the door, putting the other two behind me. I sense their gaze watching me but I don't dare turn around. Over my shoulder I say loudly, "goodnight you two."

"Goodnight, Captain," Seven whispers just loud enough for me to catch the affection in her soft tone. A deliberate action to be sure. The implications send my thoughts whirring into a tailspin quicker than an ion storm. I nod and keep walking until the whoosh of the doors shut them both behind me.

My pride depends on remaining a façade of indifference. I already slipped some by admitting to Torres my quick change of decision. But as Captain, it is within my right and shouldn't be questioned. Seven is the only one capable of questioning me and getting away with it. And obviously Torres has noticed this, if her smirk when she entered the Cargo Bay was any indication. _Damnit. _

One more thing to add to my list of things that will need fixed immediately for this week. I seek refuge in the corridor and away from their prying eyes. I need to get back to my cabin and think. Yes..I need to think and recall the exact phrasing of Seven's words, because surely, she doesn't really mean that she cares for me as more than a friend? How can she? This all has to be new for her, and I'm sure its confusing. I should just back away from all this.

_But, can I? Do I want to? _

"Good evening, Captain," a deep male voice says from right beside my ear. I jump at the sound. I didn't notice the sound of another coming up beside me. Pulling my face into my mask of steel, I look over to see who is beside me. Somehow, I'm really not shocked to see Chakotay, my first officer.

"Ahh, Chakotay…What are you doing out so late?"

"I could ask the same of you…but I won't." He smiles then says, "I had to drop off a duty roster for Seven. She insisted she get it by zero-three hundred. And you know how she gets?"

"I do. Did she give you grief over the Doctor? She's been after me."

He laughs. "I know she has."

The turbo lift doors shut.

"Deck three," I say.

"Deck three," He says too.

I turn to him as he turns toward me and we smile at each other. "I said it first," I joke.

"Of course you did. You're the Captain. I wouldn't ever claim first rights before you."

The turbo lift shoots us up toward our cabins. He lets silence be the music for our ride, allowing me to think in peace. After several years together, he knows I like silence best instead of useless chatter. So, I stare at the gray doors and let my thoughts take over.

_First rights? And what did he mean by saying that Seven has been after me? Have I been so blind as not to recognize her subtle advances? So selfish as to not see what was right in front of my face? _

Ding. Whoosh. The doors open and I stare into the empty corridor.

"Captain? We're here," Chakotay burrs in my ear, shaking me from my musings.

"Yes. I'm sorry. The day is catching up to me." I step out and turn to him. "Well, goodnight, Chakotay. You'll take the bridge in the morning while I speak with the Doctor?"

"Of course. You only need to ask me. Anything."

I nod then turn away, walking to my cabin. Once the doors close around me, a sigh escapes me.

"Lights, thirty percent." The cabin becomes illuminated in soft light. The remnants of my earlier time here still scattered about, my book still on the ottoman and my cup still off to the side.

I take off my boots and immediately head for my comfortable recliner. With a plop, I lay back and rest my head, the gray ceiling a dark and comforting color for thinking. This is by far my favorite spot to let my thoughts have rein. Which is a secret I have shared with no-one.

"Computer…play Janeway, selection Pi-Seven."

I close my eyes as the first ethereal notes of Beethoven's Bagatelle in A Minor begins. It is a favorite piece since my early academy days. I kick off my book, wanting to stretch out my legs and flex my toes. The stress of the day finally easing as the musical notes flow around me.

Interlacing my fingers on my stomach, I try to focus on the conversations from the last few hours, but my mind keeps trailing to pictures of Seven, in the Cargo Bay, in my cabin, and on the velocity court. I think of her eyes, wide and dark as she runs for the disc, bumping into me in the process. If I inhale deep enough, I can almost smell her sensual scent, soft and strong.

Now that I've allowed my mind to think of her as I shouldn't, I start to imagine what it would be like to have her hands on me in ways I've only allowed men to touch me. I squirm in my seat as my body heats up and matches my racy thoughts. Images of her lips on me and her long fingers caressing my body makes me softly sigh in pleasure.

I slip off my jacket, tossing it in the direction of the couch and unbutton my trousers. Checking the door to make certain that the automatic lock is in place, I slide my hand further down into the soft wool/cotton blend of my panties.

I groan as my fingers cup my slicked flesh. A soft stroke then more as I think of Seven, and imagine that her fingers are working me over.

The computer should alert me to any unexpected visitors, but I still don't trust technology to work properly. And I can't risk being caught in a compromising position. Ever. Therefore, speed during these moments always matter. I long to linger in my self-induced pleasuring, but I know that I can't. I speed up my touches, my breath coming in quick, and quiet gasps. Then, dig my fingers into my chair arms as I release against my own hand.

The song finishes as I wipe off my fingers and ease them out of their warm nest. I keep my eyes closed and melt, totally relaxed into the soft chair. For the moment, nothing worries me.

Chirp.

Whoosh.

I open my eyes in panic.

"Captain, we are not finished." Seven walks over to me, her tall frame towering over me, and her blue eyes darker than normal.

I gasp, trying to speak, but she grabs my hand, the hand that just touching myself, and pulls me up out of my chair so abruptly that I almost fall. She holds me steady, gazing into my eyes and then pulls me toward the bedroom.

"Seven?" I ask, my voice shaking.

"You are aroused. As am I. I wish to end this torture. It is unjust and uncomfortable."

"How did you?" I shake my head in confusion, then realize that if Seven wants something, she will get it. Instead of demanding she talk to me, I say, "it's part of being a human…" The argument over humanity is what started this whole charade in the first place, so I clutch onto it and hope it diverts her attention.

Then, her soft lips caress my palm and she whispers in my ear as her hands hold my suddenly trembling body upright, "I know. It is perfection through flaws. It is the epitome of what I desire…You are softness and steel…flawed perfection."

"But…" For the first time in my life, I'm speechless.

"Lights out."

Darkness shrouds us as her warm fingers entice me and captivate my attention.

I close my eyes and wait for a red alert to wake me up, because I must be dreaming. But my senses tell me otherwise, as her soft lips and her knowing touches cause my thoughts to bump and crash, and my body to relax in her arms.

**A/N: A quickie… I mean, quick update. Working on another one. What will happen next? **


End file.
